


You Will Be Found

by nettleteaandcinnamon



Category: Dear Evan Hansen
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Connor Lives, Depression, M/M, Trans Connor, Trans Man Connor Murphy, i dont know how to tag this, mental health
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 13:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20724950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nettleteaandcinnamon/pseuds/nettleteaandcinnamon
Summary: Somehow, Evan has made it to university.Now that he's there, he needs to make sure that he stays and doesn't get into a bad place again. While making an appointment with the college counselling service, Evan bumps into a familiar face.





	1. Chapter 1

Evan checked his map again and continued down the hallway.  
He read every sign on every door, occasionally smiling at a stranger or two who went by. It was early morning which meant the campus wasn't so busy, just as he had hoped. Eventually, he reached a set of doors with a sign on the wall that read 'Student Counselling and Wellbeing Centre'. He took a deep breath and went in, leading into a light room, filled with plants, a few comfortable looking couches and chairs, and a reception desk. There were a few other doors with name plates on them.  
"Good morning!" The woman behind the desk smiled, far too cheerful for this time of day.  
"He-hello!" Evan mumbled back, quickly walking over.  
"How can I help?" she asked.  
"My name is Evan Hansen, I want to sign up for the-the-the bi-weekly counselling sessions?" He passed her his bright new student ID.  
"No problem, just let me take a look here..." She took the ID and typed something into the computer. Evan started counting the number of small cacti in tiny pots around the room. He counted 15 by the time she looked up at him.  
"You'll need to have an initial appointment to see what exactly we can help you with, what days are you available?"  
"Um, I can do Thursday afternoons, or Mmmonday mmmmornings." He noted getting stuck on the 'm's, but pushed through them. The woman typed loudly on the keyboard again, and Evan then noticed the soft, low flute music playing from... somewhere in the room. It made him uncomfortable.  
"Okay, I've booked you in with Tracey on Mon-"  
BANG!

Evan jumped at the sound and almost letting out a yell, then span around to see what had happened. He was surprised to see a boy, wearing all black and with a wild head of hair, sprawled on the floor.  
"Are you okay?" The receptionist asked, coming out from behind her desk. The boy on the floor picked himself up quickly, almost stumbling again. The receptionist reached a hand out to him, but he took a step away from her, reflexively lifting a defensive arm.  
"I'm fine, I'm fine!" he almost growled. He pushed the long dark waves of hair from his blushing face, and Evan's heart jumped. The other boy kept his eyes on the ground while he straightened up and dusted himself off, then after a moment he seemed to notice Evan.  
"Hey..." The boy lifted a hand and pointed. "Hansen... right?"  
Evan's palms began to sweat. The last time he had seen Connor Murphy- really seen and spoke to him- was in high school, in the computer room. Evan had written a letter to himself upon his therapists orders, and just narrowly avoided the embarrassment of Connor almost grabbing the paper and reading it. _'Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why...'_  
"Yeah, Evan. You're Connor M-... You're Connor." He replied.  
The receptionist went back round to her desk. Evan turned to face her, his cheeked burning, and putting his back to Connor. The woman wrote something quickly and passed it to Evan.  
"Monday morning you're with Tracey, then after that we'll see if we can get you in."  
"Great, thank you." Evan tried to return her pearly white smile.  
When he turned around, Connor was stood directly behind him and checking his phone. His nails were painted black but badly chipped. As Evan passed him to leave, Connor didn't look at him. Just before the door closed Evan heard Connor speaking.  
'Hi, I want to get the bi-weekly counselling thing...'

\---

Laying on his dorm room bed, Evan couldn't really understand how he had gotten here.  
Reflecting on the past couple of years was difficult. He didn't like to think about it, but a lot of the time he really didn't know what it was that kept him going. He liked his therapist, and he loved his mom. He had friends/acquaintances at school so he wasn't totally alone. But there were still days when he wondered '... what's the point?'  
He looked at the blank wall of his room. He hadn't even hung up a poster. His roommate had changed rooms a couple of days after arriving, so Evan had the whole place to himself. He liked it that way. He also hated it. His anxiety mostly came from the idea that he would embarrass himself, that people would think he was stupid or weird. His final year of high school went by fairly easily, without any real problems, but also without much development. He could now order take-out by phone, and could semi-confidently hand the deliverer cash at the door. With the help of his mom he applied to college and had a scholarship. With the help of his therapist he had learned a few new coping techniques. He had met the people he shared a kitchen with, and remembered a couple of their names. He didn't hate himself so much anymore, he didn't know how he was going to make friends though.

He was shaken up about Connor though. He had no idea that Connor had applied to to same college, or that he was going at all. Although they were both the odd ones out, they never really talked. There were rumours about Connor- about drugs and knives and psych wards- and Connor had a temper, which could easily be riled up. Evan was far too quiet and generally kept away from him.  
Evan had had a crush on Connor's sister, Zoe, for quite some time. He had written a letter to himself explaining that his hopes were pinned on Zoe for his final year- he desperately wanted to talk to her, to get to know her. The day that Connor almost read the letter, Evan snatched it from his hands so fast, he thought Connor was going to snap at him. But he didn't, Connor held up his hands and laughed. Evan dreaded to think what would have happened if Connor had seen that Evan had written about his sister...

Nevermind that, Evan thought. He went to his desk and opened his laptop. He could hear people in the other rooms around him, chatting and laughing. There were people in the street outside. It was a Friday night, he should be doing something. He didn't know how people had made such fast friends with each other when he had barely spoken to anyone this week. He logged onto Twitter, one of the only social media's he had, and most of the people he followed were acquaintances or total strangers. As Evan scrolled and scrolled, a message notification popped up.  
A message from Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
I haven't written anything for a couple of years, so I hope this is okay. It's the start of something... I don't know how many chapters it'll be, but I've got the writing bug again recently.  
My apologies if its not very Americanised- I'm British so I don't really understand how American universities work, but I'm trying to keep it as open as possible.  
Anyway, I hope this is an okay first part.  
More soon!


	2. 2

_Why? What could this be? What does he want?_ Evan's thought raced.  
How had Connor found him? It had only been a day since they bumped into each other. Had Connor known they were going to to same college? How did he find his Twitter?

Evan was sweating, burning hot from nerves. He hadn't felt this bad for some time, there hadn't really been anything to rile up his anxiety like this. He was on medication which had made him feel drowsy and distant for the first few weeks of taking it, but after that it had no side effects. It helped him to sleep and he felt like he owed his meds for helping him get through the college process.  
He paced around the room, sat down on the bed, and paced again, always glancing at the notification.

After what felt like an eternity of working himself up, he stood in the middle of the room. Shoulder back, head up and he started to take deep breaths.  
_8 seconds in... 5 seconds out... 8 seconds in... 5 seconds out...  
_He thought about the feel of the carpet under his feet, and the stretched his arms above his head. He always felt a little embarrassed doing this, but it helped him to clear his head, even if just for a minute. After thirty breaths, he dropped his arms to his sides and looked at his computer again.  
After a few moments with a clearer mind he thought to himself _'What's the worst that could happen?'_

Reading the message wouldn't harm him. He could ignore it if he wanted. At worst, he could avoid Connor for their whole college experience. It was a big enough place that they probably wouldn't see each other anyway, and they weren't in the same classes. Just open the message.

He sat down and clicked without another thought, and a jolt of fear went through him. Then he saw what Connor had sent.  
It was just a dumb meme. Something about depression and therapy.  
It would have made Evan laugh if he weren't so surprised.

\---

The next morning Evan woke up late, around 11:30. Not late for a lot of college kids, but late for him. He liked to rise early, otherwise he felt like he wasted the day. But his meds made it hard to wake up some mornings, and he'd stayed up late obsessing over Connors message.  
After a while of trying to concoct the perfect response, Evan decided to send back another meme. Connor didn't reply until after 1am, just as Evan had given up was trying to sleep. They silently sent each other dumb tweets and posts until Evan couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.  
He felt groggy, which happened when he didn't stick to his sleeping routine. He forced himself out of bed, put on some music, and got ready. He had to go to the library to do some reading for class, so packed a bag and grabbed his phone without checking it.

It was a sunny day. There were a few people lounging on the green, and a few signs of Friday night partying left on the grass. Evan had put his headphones on, feeling like he was in a strange dream. He felt so lucky to be here. He gazed at the trees around him, dotted across campus. He could name every single one, and he went through the list in his mind as he walked.

\---

Evan had hidden in a far corner of the library, preferring to be alone while he worked.  
When he was surrounded by people he felt like they were watching him, noticing whether he was working or not. He could just read in his room, but he knew staying there all day would be bad for him. He had just gotten onto the next chapter when a printer near him pushed something out. There was no one nearby, and no one came to collect the sheet, but he thought nothing of it. After a few moments, it printed again, but Evan hadn't noticed, too focused on his book.  
His phone buzzed in his pocket. Evan assumed it was his mum, but then saw it was a Twitter notification.  
_'Check the printer'_, Connor had sent him.

Evan stood up and looked around. He couldn't see anyone, but blushed knowing that Connor was somewhere, watching. He walked to the printer and stifled a nervous laugh.  
"Hey." Connor popped out from behind a bookshelf.  
"HOLY SH-" Evan jumped back. "You scared me!"  
Connor smiled, tucking his hands into his pockets, only taking strides to reach Evan with his long legs. Evan clutched the paper to his chest and stared at Connor, unsure what to do next. Connor stared back, the semi-confident smile faded from his lips. After a few seconds of staring, he too seemed nervous. Connor glanced at the paper in Evan's hands, then down at the ground.  
"Hope that wasn't too weird..." he mumbled.  
"Oh! No, it's funny!" Evan looked down at the paper again. Another mental health meme, except this time, Connor had edited it himself, making it about bumping into someone you knew from school in a therapists office. "Really funny..." Evan said again with a nervous smile.  
He shuffled his feet and looked up at Connor, who seemed to have retracted into himself. He slumped his shoulders forward and pulled up the collar of his black hoodie, hiding his neck. He wouldn't look at Evan, staring just behind him or over his shoulder instead.  
"Um..." Evan began. "What are you doing in here?"  
"I'm supposed to be writing an essay, but..." He looked towards where Evan was sitting. His manor seemed to change instantly- Connor frowned and took a stay back. "Sorry I interrupted you, bookworm." He said and started walking away.  
"No, wait!" Evan started, but he didn't really know what to say.  
Connor seemed to disappear into the shelves before Evan could even look for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dumb. I know it is, but it was fun and silly to write, so...


End file.
